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Naughty Jokes

February 7, 2014

If you are a golfer, a man or a woman, who read FIFTY Shades of Grey you’re going to love this one.

Four guys have been going to the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years..

Two days before the group is to leave, Jack’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. Jack’s mates are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do?

Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the bar with four drinks set up!

“Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?”

“Well, I’ve been here since last night…yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living-room chair, and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, “Guess who?” I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well, she’s been reading 50 Shades of Grey…on the bed she had handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.

And then she said, “Do whatever you want.”

So, Here I am!

+++One More to lighten your mood—If you’re a  deer hunter this one is for you.+++

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for a clue. The dad said, “Well, it’s what mummy calls me sometimes.”

The little girl screams to her brother, “Don’t eat it! It’s an arsehole!

Thanks goes out to my wonderful British friend Cathy Speight for her great jokes.

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