Part 2 — I Owe You One
As Evan starts to reminisce about his late night adventure, Ole and I smile at each other, we know this is going to be one of those good ones that only Evan can tell. He leans back and begins–About 10:00, last night, things were so slow that I was going to close early. Just as I went to turn off the lights and lockup, a fancy new pickup pulled up with two cowboys and a lovely lady. It seems these boys were from over around Wilsall, and were out for a little fun. They’d stopped in Livingston, and found this lovely lady to join their party. Evan is grinning like a little kid with an ice-cream cone, and giving us a big wink, to make sure we understood what the “lovely lady” was. Ole and I aren’t stupid. We know what sort of lady comes from Livingston with two wild cowboys.
Evan smiles and says. “I swear, this lovely lady wore more perfume than I can afford to buy my sweet wife. I think I can still smell her today. Lordy, she was something we all dream about on cold winter nights. Looking a little dazed he tells us of pouring everyone some strong shots, filling the puke-box with endless music, the lovely lady dancing, and everyone getting a little drunk. Then out came the cards, for a few of my slight-of-hand card-tricks. Soon I had them all at the poker table. I couldn’t believe it, but I was losing hand after hand, and the pots were getting bigger and bigger. Then I got a little lucky. One of the cowboys finally lost his bankroll and was out of the game. In a short time, the other one was down on his luck also.”
Evan gives us one of his out of the corner of his mouth laughs and tells us, “Now it is just me and the Livingston lady. I’m getting a little nervous after a couple of hours of winning a few hands, but barely staying even.” With a roar of laughter, he tells us, “Oh, my God that red dress was getting lower on the breasts with ever hand until I couldn’t think of cards! Finally, I took a break and went to get my glasses. You know I don’t wear those damn glasses cause they make me a little dizzy. That was my salvation! I couldn’t see her lovely breasts any longer, just some fuzzy flesh, and I could concentrate on the cards again. We spent the whole damned night back and forth, winning and losing. At the end, it was a draw between that Livingston lady and me.”
So sorry everyone, but yesterday my post of funny newspaper clippings went wacko. So today instead of going to the beach I’m going to try to entertain you for a few minutes with the beginning of my next book. Don’t get too excited as it has a long way to go, but those of you who follow me get a peek today.
The Two Dot Bar– No Place For Wimps
Hey Mister, whatcha all dressed-up for? Are ya on your way to a funeral or something? You must not be from around here dressed that God-durn fancy. You look like ya might be a little lost. Pull-up a stool and have a drink with us. I bet you read that sign out on the highway, Easy to Find, and Hard to Leave, and that is the full blown truth my friend. Once you step foot in the Two Dot bar you might never want to leave, even if ya make it out of here today I guarantee you’ll wanna come back. You got lucky finding the best little bar in Montana. Just sit on down, and enjoy your time here. You might even get lucky and hear a few good stories about this place you’ve wandered into.
This is where I start most days. It’s 10:00am, and the bar’s pretty empty this morning. But, if I sit on this stool all day as I usually do, I’ll see everyone from up Big Elk, a few from around Martinsdale, and maybe even someone from Harlo might stop by. The Harlo folks normally wait for Saturday night with the hope of some live music, a little dancing, or even a good fist-fight.
This morning it’s just old Ole, me, and Evan the owner and morning bartender. It doesn’t look like anyone got around to cleaning-up this morning, and it has its usual stink of beer and cigarettes. Evan’s a little slow this morning, and he sure doesn’t look as if he got much sleep last night, plus he still smells of the bar. Ole and I nod our heads, and agree that Evan must have had a long night with the cards. No doubt he came out a winner. Ole and I have seen him look this way many times. Usually there was some poor fool slumped over in the back booth lamenting his losses. The odds are if Evan was in a late-night poker game we would be in luck for a good story.
Come back again to find out if Evan is a winner or looser, and to see what goes on in the world famous Two Dot Bar.
If you are a golfer, a man or a woman, who read FIFTY Shades of Grey you’re going to love this one.
Four guys have been going to the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years..
Two days before the group is to leave, Jack’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. Jack’s mates are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do?
Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the bar with four drinks set up!
“Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?”
“Well, I’ve been here since last night…yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living-room chair, and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, “Guess who?” I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well, she’s been reading 50 Shades of Grey…on the bed she had handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
And then she said, “Do whatever you want.”
So, Here I am!
+++One More to lighten your mood—If you’re a deer hunter this one is for you.+++
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for a clue. The dad said, “Well, it’s what mummy calls me sometimes.”
The little girl screams to her brother, “Don’t eat it! It’s an arsehole!
Thanks goes out to my wonderful British friend Cathy Speight for her great jokes.
Some days it just doesn’t work for me to put my brain in gear and write; today is one of those days.
Were you so naughty that Santa didn’t deliver anything, but a hunk of coal to your stocking? Well, this is my present to all you naughty people.
Hey lucky ones, my travel/teaching memoir is available on Amazon today for the wonderful price of FREE This sale only lasts for three days, so get it while it’s FREE.
If you’ve ever dreamed of traveling to far away places, this book will take you there, plus you’ll encounter some very interesting people along the way.You don’t need a backpack, just sit back in your easy-chair, and join me in an adventure to Asia, Mexico, Central American, and South America.
Oh my gosh, the Ducks have been hit hard this week, and it sounds like their #1 reality show may be canceled. Do I care? Not really.
What I do care about is their five books have accumulated over five thousand reviews, while my book “The Wild Side of Alaska”, which is also filled with hunting stories, has only twenty-five reviews. Now what do they have that I don’t?
No, I don’t talk about religion (which can lead to big problems.) I don’t have a hairy face, nor do I have yellow teeth, or a partner that does. I don’t drive a honking big truck, and I don’t chew tobacco. I also don’t have near as much money as they now have.
I do have one review that favorably compares The Wild Side of Alaska to old hairy men—-The reviewer said, “Whether a hunter, an outdoor enthusiast, or someone that simply gets sucked into the Alaska survival tv shows, you are about to meet someone that has been there and done it….and no it isn’t some quirky old guy with a nicotine stained beard and questionable social skills. Donna is clearly filled with a love for life and is attracted to adventure.”
Now which would you choose to read? Hairy old men, or a Alaskan woman’s stories?
A great plan to beat Black Friday— Pour a cold beer, or a lovely glass of wine, sit back in the comfort of your home, and do your Christmas shopping the easy way. Simply go to Amazon.com and buy “The Wild Side of Alaska” and/or “Big Backpack– Little World” for all the people on your Christmas list. Guaranteed to be easier than fighting the crowds, and hopefully these books will delight your friends and family.
“The Wild Side of Alaska” is filled with hunting, fishing, and the real life stories of Alaska during the 60′s-70′s. For anyone who has a dream of an Alaskan adventure, or a sportsman/woman this is a sure hit.
“Big Backpack–Little World” may be just the book for those college kids wanting an adventure into a new and exciting life of teaching ESL around the world, or wanting a year off to travel. It may also appeal to those that have dreamed of traveling to far-away-places, but haven’t yet done it.
Christmas shopping finished, and now for a siesta.